The Dentist

I love going to the dentist. It's so nice to have slippery-clean teeth! The fact that I've yet to get a cavity has probably contributed to my overall happy impressions of the dentist's chair. Dentists are great--or so I thought.

However, my latest trip ticked me off a little. Before they cleaned my teeth, I got a consultation from a "smile coach"--who said she was on the UCLA faculty.*
"Smile for me, sweetie."
I smiled to show all of my teeth.
"Hmmm...okay, usually when you smile you should show your top teeth and not your bottom teeth."
Oh, I thought you were going to check my teeth. I smiled normally.
"Much better. Okay, did you know that your gums on one side are much lower than your gums on the other side? And one of your top front teeth protrudes. These things can both be treated so that they are not obvious to others, and you can be more confident with your smile. But of course, a nice smile is in the eye of the beholder. If you are not bothered by these problems, then it is no big deal."
Thank you, but it may surprise you to know that I do know these things about my teeth, and --gasp--I don't really care. Sheesh. I have no cavities and my teeth are pretty straight without ever being braced--I thought I was doing pretty well.
"Okay, well if you ever decide you want to fix these problems, let me know."

Later, with the hygienist...
"Wow, I think you might actually floss your teeth everyday. This looks very good."
Well, actually, I sometimes forget. And I've missed my last two dentist's appointments, so this is as bad as it gets.
"No cavities...very good. Not many people are like that. I will just clean you up and you can be on your way."
Thank you, I need to get to class.
"Oh, just so you know, you are a very good candidate for teeth whitening."

Are dentists so hard up that they have to resort to insulting their patients? I kind of resent being made to feel self-conscious at the dentist's office when I have good oral health. Next time I go, I'll have to remember not to flash my flawed smile.

*My friend Rich informs me that pretty much every dentist in LA is on the UCLA Dental Faculty, so she may have been telling the truth.